Absolutely love your new live in bestie! Very gorgeous. ;-) Is she going to have her own substack page and post too?:-)
This is another beautiful post, but you should never feel guilty about the effects your accident had on others, in as much as that no one is being coerced into helping you, loving you, and if you were actually a complete twat, which trust me, as a female philosopher, there are some hideous men out there in philosophy, you probably would not have the support you do. So the support you do have is probably grounded in others believing you are a good person, deserving of good treatment no matter what and you would do the same for them. And there is this huge thing in my mind, I fly paragliders, human society needs adventurers. Human society always needs outliers. People who question and challenge the edges of normality. Thomas Khun!!! Those people make society better, and we need them. Obviously you are one of those people, so it's natural for those of us who understand that society often only gets better by people pushing boundaries in every area of endeavour. Right now I give money and support animal activists who get arrested and sent to prison for protesting against climate change. I am a vet. As well as a philosophy. I give money to support people i do not even know who are supporting my cause. In the animal rights movement, we support our own. It's a natural feeling to want to support your own. All of us climbers and paragliders know the risks. You are getting supported because your mates love you. What happened to you could happen to anyone. Dont feel guilty because people love you.
This is so beautifully written and painfully self-aware. My two older boys have recently become enamored of climbing, so I have my own complicated feelings about Honnold. I made my boys promise they’d never free solo (perhaps that will hold), and other than that I have decided to trust them, forgive them preemptively for any mistakes, and then be a Daoist about the whole thing.
There is this other thing, the people who push boundaries in human society get commercialised so much. For the most part they are out there getting the shit, from what I can see Alex got heaps of shit, because his is fertile, and met a super cool chick, who loves him for who he is, who in the world does not want that???? and they had children. To be frank, I have met a lot of awful men who really wanted to seed out their sperm indiscriminately in the world, because they were like Elon musk, but Alex and his lovely wife have probably produced super babies. :-) They are such awesome parents. And if he gets a zillion pounds, good on him I say. He took the risk, and he delivered. OK, and the windy parts, through the windows, where I could look at his abs, I have replayed that alot!!!! Sorry to be so superficial.
Vietnam veterans apparently got a unique battlefield created high from the adrenaline rush found only when the body is highly focused in a tense life & death environment. Many of those Vets came back to the states and became drug addicts because there was nothing closer to obtaining that high they got by surviving a life & death battle.
When you attune your baseline for fear response, pleasurable hormones, and/or pain reduction (the reward to a stressed animal for surviving the immediate danger or fear of death) then you cannot enjoy the lower responses to similar escalated events, outside of the same extremes which triggered that chemical response to that higher level.
This is why druggies need a better high than the last one, and why thrill/combat high seekers cannot find something higher to 'biologically' drug themselves with, because the body's hormones cannot reward you any more than it can immediately following a near-death escalated experience. The body is designed to keep you alive, and wishes to chemically reward you in order to keep you alive, especially when your life is threatened most.
I would think that the goal of climbing is not to get a thrill based high, but to test your limits on variable terrain, as safely as possible. I could see how people that have a problem with their self-image of their ego could get caught up in trying hard to prove something to themselves in order to keep a false self-perception of themselves going. It is well known that people will do insane things in order to be perceived as useful/important to the tribe, because at a biological level being abandoned by the tribe usually meant certain death, while doing risky activities to gain the tribe's support is actually less risky overall, back in the ancient times of primitive humanity.
Thankyou Paul for your honest and heartfelt account. I'm sure I can't say anything to help you feel better but I want you to know that I related to every bit of your story and I hope to god there will be medical advances in the future which will improve your quality of life.
I'm a retired nurse and midwife and your descriptions of the humiliating processes you have had to endure cut me to the quick.
I hope you don't give up, I hope you can find your own hope. I send love and my own hope for you.
Happy cat getting! We see akarasia all the time in the conservation field, where people impose themselves on wild animals to get self gratification (and a selfie) even though they know it's not in the animals' best interests. Frustrating that even so-called conservationists and animal lovers are among the worst of these. There's been lots of research into it and its effects down here in New Zealand. Thanks for all the Substacks, I really appreciate your writing and perspectives, as another philosophy major.
I saw something earlier today about a woman in China who got mauled by a snow leopard…after she skied close to the snow leopard to take a selfie with it. It's hard to know where to even begin.
Yess I often think that’s it… but why? The self destruction I mean. Is it a similar action (for I do think it’s an action from a decision made) to self sabotage for eg. Which is based on a lack of self worth. Not believing that you’re worth it. So it’s similar to bathe in self pity and destroy something that may even be good. I have done this myself.
Excellent! I used to holiday at a farm in the Lakes who had blue cats. They used to sleep in a heap in front of the Aga. I used to think they were Norse cats. Might have been Russian looking at your photo. Next step - you need to get an Aga. No excuses. 😹
When I used to teach at Cambridge, the students absolutely loved the cat I had then (Hera). I am confident the students at KCL would welcome an emotional support cat accompanying me to campus. Princess of The Strand indeed!
Thank you for writing this. Since I started reading your blog, your writing has inspired me countless times. Often I've wanted to write a reply, but your writing is eloquent and beautiful, and my words feel frumpy and inadequate by comparison.
I'm taking the plunge now though because I also climb, and you just tackled a question that I've been curious to hear your thoughts on. And because you just expressed my sentiments on the most recent Honold exploit. So, cheers!
Again, great writing. You hold yourself to an extraordinarily high standard, and you very tenaciously observe yourself and self-correct. That's very admirable, but I wonder if you apply the same rigour to others' behaviour and reflections.
Over the years since the accident I've noticed that at least in your writing, the white hot anger has given way to something gentler. Is that the case in daily life, or does it still take you by surprise?
I was thinking about this the other day, before I wrote this piece - and yes I think it has made me more forgiving of other people. But it's for a bunch of reasons. One of them is that a lot of everyday stuff just seems trivial now, in a way it always was, but I used to be much worse at recognising - and I'm now better at not being bothered by. Another is that when you depend on other people, being more patient starts as a psychological survival strategy, but in in turn just teaches you to be more patient. I may write about this in the future; there's a lot going on.
Absolutely love your new live in bestie! Very gorgeous. ;-) Is she going to have her own substack page and post too?:-)
This is another beautiful post, but you should never feel guilty about the effects your accident had on others, in as much as that no one is being coerced into helping you, loving you, and if you were actually a complete twat, which trust me, as a female philosopher, there are some hideous men out there in philosophy, you probably would not have the support you do. So the support you do have is probably grounded in others believing you are a good person, deserving of good treatment no matter what and you would do the same for them. And there is this huge thing in my mind, I fly paragliders, human society needs adventurers. Human society always needs outliers. People who question and challenge the edges of normality. Thomas Khun!!! Those people make society better, and we need them. Obviously you are one of those people, so it's natural for those of us who understand that society often only gets better by people pushing boundaries in every area of endeavour. Right now I give money and support animal activists who get arrested and sent to prison for protesting against climate change. I am a vet. As well as a philosophy. I give money to support people i do not even know who are supporting my cause. In the animal rights movement, we support our own. It's a natural feeling to want to support your own. All of us climbers and paragliders know the risks. You are getting supported because your mates love you. What happened to you could happen to anyone. Dont feel guilty because people love you.
This is so beautifully written and painfully self-aware. My two older boys have recently become enamored of climbing, so I have my own complicated feelings about Honnold. I made my boys promise they’d never free solo (perhaps that will hold), and other than that I have decided to trust them, forgive them preemptively for any mistakes, and then be a Daoist about the whole thing.
There is this other thing, the people who push boundaries in human society get commercialised so much. For the most part they are out there getting the shit, from what I can see Alex got heaps of shit, because his is fertile, and met a super cool chick, who loves him for who he is, who in the world does not want that???? and they had children. To be frank, I have met a lot of awful men who really wanted to seed out their sperm indiscriminately in the world, because they were like Elon musk, but Alex and his lovely wife have probably produced super babies. :-) They are such awesome parents. And if he gets a zillion pounds, good on him I say. He took the risk, and he delivered. OK, and the windy parts, through the windows, where I could look at his abs, I have replayed that alot!!!! Sorry to be so superficial.
That was an alarmingly sperm-centric argument... but your point is valid haha
Can I steal the term spermocentric please? :-)
Are you a spermatoligist?:-)
I would never guard such a term, especially from the master of it's usage
Excellent post, first I've read giving insight into the psychology of free and free solo climbing. The Honnold Taipei circus was ... a circus.
Vietnam veterans apparently got a unique battlefield created high from the adrenaline rush found only when the body is highly focused in a tense life & death environment. Many of those Vets came back to the states and became drug addicts because there was nothing closer to obtaining that high they got by surviving a life & death battle.
When you attune your baseline for fear response, pleasurable hormones, and/or pain reduction (the reward to a stressed animal for surviving the immediate danger or fear of death) then you cannot enjoy the lower responses to similar escalated events, outside of the same extremes which triggered that chemical response to that higher level.
This is why druggies need a better high than the last one, and why thrill/combat high seekers cannot find something higher to 'biologically' drug themselves with, because the body's hormones cannot reward you any more than it can immediately following a near-death escalated experience. The body is designed to keep you alive, and wishes to chemically reward you in order to keep you alive, especially when your life is threatened most.
I would think that the goal of climbing is not to get a thrill based high, but to test your limits on variable terrain, as safely as possible. I could see how people that have a problem with their self-image of their ego could get caught up in trying hard to prove something to themselves in order to keep a false self-perception of themselves going. It is well known that people will do insane things in order to be perceived as useful/important to the tribe, because at a biological level being abandoned by the tribe usually meant certain death, while doing risky activities to gain the tribe's support is actually less risky overall, back in the ancient times of primitive humanity.
Thankyou Paul for your honest and heartfelt account. I'm sure I can't say anything to help you feel better but I want you to know that I related to every bit of your story and I hope to god there will be medical advances in the future which will improve your quality of life.
I'm a retired nurse and midwife and your descriptions of the humiliating processes you have had to endure cut me to the quick.
I hope you don't give up, I hope you can find your own hope. I send love and my own hope for you.
With love and compassion. Deb
Also .. maybe get more cats. A litter of kittens even? They may provide you with some joy ❤️
Happy cat getting! We see akarasia all the time in the conservation field, where people impose themselves on wild animals to get self gratification (and a selfie) even though they know it's not in the animals' best interests. Frustrating that even so-called conservationists and animal lovers are among the worst of these. There's been lots of research into it and its effects down here in New Zealand. Thanks for all the Substacks, I really appreciate your writing and perspectives, as another philosophy major.
I saw something earlier today about a woman in China who got mauled by a snow leopard…after she skied close to the snow leopard to take a selfie with it. It's hard to know where to even begin.
There are no recorded instances of a snow leopard (or a meteor for that matter) ever killing a human. She was so close to entering the history books!
Exactly. No sympathy for the woman! Though it's often the animals that are punished for human idoicy and arrogance - either directly or indirectly.
Love your writing.
There is an element of self-destruction in humans.
Life is a drag, even on a beautiful Scottish day, isn't that the reason for " Akrrasia "
I suspect so. Or at least, one reason for how it sometimes manifests
Yess I often think that’s it… but why? The self destruction I mean. Is it a similar action (for I do think it’s an action from a decision made) to self sabotage for eg. Which is based on a lack of self worth. Not believing that you’re worth it. So it’s similar to bathe in self pity and destroy something that may even be good. I have done this myself.
Nice piece. Love Koshka. Looks v regal and possibly Russian. Glad you have company.
Russian blue!
Excellent! I used to holiday at a farm in the Lakes who had blue cats. They used to sleep in a heap in front of the Aga. I used to think they were Norse cats. Might have been Russian looking at your photo. Next step - you need to get an Aga. No excuses. 😹
And does she have a Sunday name eg Koshka the Furst (yes....that is a pun😹), Empress of The Strand.
When I used to teach at Cambridge, the students absolutely loved the cat I had then (Hera). I am confident the students at KCL would welcome an emotional support cat accompanying me to campus. Princess of The Strand indeed!
Have to confess sneaking a cat into Stanmore once. Why not the Strand?
!!!!!!
I thought The Strand might resonate 😹💕
A cat that adopted me was a Russian Blue.
Just realized you called a Russian blue cat “cat” in Russian. Nice.
I like to think there is a British shorthair in Moscow called “Cat”
Thank you for writing this. Since I started reading your blog, your writing has inspired me countless times. Often I've wanted to write a reply, but your writing is eloquent and beautiful, and my words feel frumpy and inadequate by comparison.
I'm taking the plunge now though because I also climb, and you just tackled a question that I've been curious to hear your thoughts on. And because you just expressed my sentiments on the most recent Honold exploit. So, cheers!
The lovely Koshka is charming, I hope she brings you years of companionship.
She's gorgeous. I hope she's as sweet as she is pretty. Enjoy!
Again, great writing. You hold yourself to an extraordinarily high standard, and you very tenaciously observe yourself and self-correct. That's very admirable, but I wonder if you apply the same rigour to others' behaviour and reflections.
Over the years since the accident I've noticed that at least in your writing, the white hot anger has given way to something gentler. Is that the case in daily life, or does it still take you by surprise?
I was thinking about this the other day, before I wrote this piece - and yes I think it has made me more forgiving of other people. But it's for a bunch of reasons. One of them is that a lot of everyday stuff just seems trivial now, in a way it always was, but I used to be much worse at recognising - and I'm now better at not being bothered by. Another is that when you depend on other people, being more patient starts as a psychological survival strategy, but in in turn just teaches you to be more patient. I may write about this in the future; there's a lot going on.
Congratulations on Koshka!
I wish you the best rebuilding your life, brick by brick.
As usual, Paul, your writing is breathtakingly good.
To be rebuilding your life one brick at a time and thinking and writing the way you do is an achievement indeed.
Thank you again for what you contribute to our lives.
Please stroke the Princess from me. Such fantastic thick fur!